Challenging Myself

It's a new year and again I have put myself in a situation where I am trusting life to the fullest. I am amazed at how I lose sight of the things that I have learned at times, to make other people happy. Sometimes I am too loyal. I decided that it was time to make some moves and I have since jumped an airplane and arrived in the place of my birth and I am really glad it is what I did. I spent the day today at the skatepark, watching kids attempt tricks over and over and make mistakes over and over and finally land the one BIG trick. Life is a lot like skating in that way, you do what you love and you screw up over and over, yet you never can lose sight of the fact that you are making progress and then, you land the big trick and it's the best feeling in the world. After that feat is acomplished, it becomes easier and easier to perform that feat and you move on to a bigger and more challenging trick.

I am constantly challenging myself and trying to pull off something bigger and better. I want to be doing what I love.

I am learning a lot right now about standing alone. It feels like this is the last big trick for me, to be able to stand alone in a place where I have so many people around with whom to lean on. So much that it is comfortable, yet I strive to become a better man and be myself, a leader and be an example to the people who come into my life. Again, I am at a point where I do not really know what the future holds. I am trying my best to just do what I do and let go and focus on the moment at hand and I am enjoying every bit of it.

What a great start to the New Year. Establishing bonds again with family and friends and I have been having a great time, but I cannot let myself be defined by who I know and what I have done in my past. I am a far different person than I was at one time and while I have made my fair share of mistakes, I have learned from them and gained to much to let it all go away for the wrong reasons. I am proud of myself for this.

I keep moving forward. I'ts important for me right now to be able to trust life and the amazing things that I have learned about life in my journeys, but it also seems that it is more difficult in a place's where it is most comfortable for me. I am working quite hard at becoming something, I have a goal or two and while these goals may not be understood by too many people, they are my goals and I am determined to get there. I have to really pay attention to what feels right inside and let go of the things in my mind...not everything in life makes sense if you look at them in a logical manner.

Well,
enough rambling...this is a really weird blog entry. Not like my usual ones...but it is what I have today so I hope that it helps someone else as much as it has helped me in writing it.

~one love

~tilly