Pepere' Dutilly

As I approach another Birthday I am beginning to notice some things about myself. It all started a couple of months ago in Georgia when my brother and I were having beers and he looked at me and told me I was starting to look like "Pep".

Who is "Pep" you might wonder? Well, I will tell you.

"Pep" is short for "Pepere'" Being French on both sides of my family is the reason why my brother, sister and I to call our grandfathers "Pep" and grandmothers "Memere'" Anyhow, since my brother made that statement I have begun remembering my grandfather and the impact he has had on my life and I am also starting to notice how I am carrying his torch, so to speak.

My grandfather died when I was around 14 years old. He was an oil man his whole life who raised 6 kids, 4 boys and two girls. My father was second from the youngest, only older than my Uncle Joey who they proudly called "Gopher". "Pep" was a well known guy around our little town. He had been an oil man his whole life, delivering the oil for everyone to heat their homes in the winter and fixing oil burners when people's he went out on cold winter days. I guess that is one of the reasons he was so well liked, if you are freezing to death in a New England winter and some guy turns the heat on, you probably like that guy.

"Pep" was a tough guy, he was a fighter and he was tough as nails. As a child he was a boxer, not the regular type of boxer that you see on TV, but more like the bare knuckle kind who fights in barns and basements. I haven't heard to many stories about him in the olden days, but from what I have heard, he was quite tough. Standing no taller than 5'7" Pep had knuckles the size of my head and he didn't take any shit. He was a mans man who enjoyed playing poker and drinking with the boys. He was Postmaster at the local POST for War Veterans and I spent many Saturday afternoon as a kid cooking food for events and attending them. One year they had a roast there for my grandfather, he was a really popular guy.

They called him "Kid Duke" and that's how his license plate always read. He was balding on the top of his head, talked with a husk and always had a cigar hanging out of his mouth. A lot of kids were scared of my grandfather, he cursed a lot and sounded mean when he talked. I wasn't scared, when he would get tough with me I would look into his eyes and laugh and he always melted into butter.

In the basement at my grandparents house there were always jars of pickles, and onions and peppers which my grandfather picked himself and put in jars for the winter. We always looked forward to cracking a jar of his mushrooms or his special blends of Portuguese sausage, peppers and onions. He picked his own mushrooms in the wild. One of the only people I have ever know who actually knew which ones you COULD eat and we enjoyed them. "Pep" kept a garden in his backyard with cucumbers and peppers and tomatoes, he used to get so pissed off at us when we would play wiffle ball in the back yard and hit the ball in his garden, but we were always welcome to play.

Every Saturday morning I would go to my grandfathers house with my dad and I would mow his lawn. I never asked for anything in return, but he always had some trinket or toy that he found during his walks @ Goddard Park, toy cars, key chains, a silver dollar. I always used to love sitting at his desk and waiting for him to pull his hand out of his pocket and let me pick the silver coins and little treasures out. After mowing the lawn we would sit on the couch, "Pep" on his big green leather chair and watch wrestling and talk smack. He had a wit about him, a sort of sarcastic charm that I definitely see in myself and for that I am grateful (it gets the girls).

Shortly after my moms and dad's divorce I was taken to Florida and I would only see my grandfather twice after that. As the years went on I grew farther and farther away from my fathers family (against my own will) and now with age, I am looking back at myself and seeing the Dutuily in me. I have been visiting my old relatives again and reconnecting and the more and more I see, the more and more I see my grandfather. I even tattooed his nickname "Kid Duke" on my chest with boxing gloves, hung up and pinned to my heart.

This winter, I was walking down a snowy hill in Rhode Island, I had stayed at a friends house the night before and I saw sitting next to a fire station a familiar place at the bottom of the hill. The place was the POST where I had so many memories as a child. I walked down the bottom of the hill and while unsure at first, as soon as I walked in, it looked exactly the same as when I was a little boy. I kindly walked up to the bar and asked the barmaid if I could look around. I informed her of who my grandfather was and that at one time he was pretty popular around there. The barmaid gave me permission and as I walked around and looked at all of the walls I noticed that my grandfathers pictures and such were all over them. I took great pride in that, the feeling was wonderful and later that evening I also took my brother into the bar. As I took Tim in and we informed the people of who we were we were greeted with dollar beers and stories of how good my grandfather was and how he "didn't take no shit"!

As I approach another Birthday I embrace the attributes in me that I also saw in my grandfather. Like my "Pep" I am beginning to talk with a husk, I smoke cigars and enjoy pickled peppers and onions. I love to cook and I consider myself to be a like able and charismatic person, just like my grandfather. While I may cuss a lot and tend to "tell people how it is" I am a very loving person and deep down below this rough and tattooed skin I am very sensitive, I have a heart of gold and I enjoy making people feel happy. JUST LIKE MY PEP

Thanks PEP!!

R.I.P.
LEO A. DUTILLY

Making Memories

This winter I was able to spend a lot of time with my family members. I left L.A. and went down to Georgia where due to a lousy environment, my brother was frustrated and depressed, so my brother and I embarked on an adventure that took us to New Orleans and New England and eventually ended back in Santa Cruz, California. Santa Cruz is where I reside.

My brother and I had many adventures this winter, we chased girls and drank in pubs, we hiked and we visited our grandparents and relatives. We have our explosions when my brother and I are in close quarters we do everything to extremes, we're competitive so we play hard and we fight hard, but I can assure you our bond is a tight one! Every time I jump off of my path in life to hang with Timmy, we seems to connect and both come out of the experience better people. We learn from each other and my favorite adventure with Tim this summer was our HIKE to the top of Santa Cruz!!

While my brother was in Santa Cruz we rented a little apartment on the top of Mt. Hermon. For those of you who do not know, Santa Cruz is a very liberal place. Probably one of the most liberal America has to offer. Nestled off in the corner of Santa Cruz County is a mountain called Mt, Hermon which was Incorporated by Christians in 1906 and is home to a giant center where people hold retreats and revivals and conventions. Mt. Hermon is also home to some of the most beautiful Giant Redwoods and a State Park where I like to hike and just get in touch with nature. One morning my brother and I woke up and I told him we were going for a hike and off we went.

We set off on our adventure down the steep mountain and into a bit of a valley which is Felton. We walked through the city of Felton which consists of a few tiny restaurants and shops, past the LOG CABIN bar and headed into the State Park. I told Tim of encounters with coyotes and stumbling upon naked people in the San Lorenzo and we laughed. Tim had no idea where we were going, but he followed along enjoying his first look at the Redwood Forest and we were both excited, faces lit up as we began our walk to the mountain feeling like little boys again with the painful memories of a tumultuous Thanksgiving in our family (AGAIN) and finally coming to grips with the reality of our divorces again, we felt good.

We decided to walk the river path. The paths are marked and there are maybe 5 really big trails in the park, there are paths that were really old roads and there are footpaths and horse trails. I walk the horse trail which merges on and off of the river trail which gives you access to many private swimming holes and fallen trees over the river to rest on and catch some sun. I don't recommend swimming in the San Lorenzo as all of our mountain towns flush into the river and the area is riddled with cases of surfers and swimmers with Staph infection due to the pollution.

We walked up the trail and told stories and remembered hikes of our youth. We talked about food and about girls and about living in the moment. My brother and I are always learning about ourselves and as men we are always striving to be men of honor, always learning from our mistakes. We both meticulously break down our experiences and learn from them and we share what we learn with each other and on this hike we both learned to accept the other and respect the other, taking pictures of each other next to the beastly Redwoods and pushing ourselves up the steep dirt path occasionally dodging a pony or horse.

I guess we hiked about 2 miles or so on a beaten path before we hit the actual trail that we were supposed to take. We were already winded so we hit a little bit of Mary Jane took a seat and conserved our water, there are no fountains until you reach the top of the mountain. While we sat on a fallen log I looked at Tim and I said "no matter how bad we fight or how much we don't get along Tim, we still have this" Tim looked over at me and smiled "We're making memories dogg" I then recalled a quote I used to have on an old Journal "Bring only memories, leave only footprints" and I embraced the moment. We both realized that no one could take away these experiences and of all of the people in our family, together we had more of these true bonding experiences with each other than we did with every other family member combined. If we didn't have the family that we thought we should, we still had each other.

"Get up, ya pussy", I hit Tim on the head and we hit the tracks. We were now hiking on an old mining road called "Powder Mill Rd." (I think) and up to the actual path up to the viewing area which was our goal. As we hit the steep CLIMBING part of the trail we both expressed how much fun we were having with each other. We were best friends and we were boys again. This part of our climb was about 3/4 of a mile up and I noted how the terrain changes so drastically in California. While we had been in a dark shady forest on the side of the mountain, we were now in a sandy, desertlike environment with small shrubbery and prickly thorns. I told Tim he could probably even found a sharks tooth. We were both amazed at the idea that at one time way up on this mountain, these Giant Redwoods survived by growing their tops over the surface of deep water and into sunshiny skies.

We finally reached the our goal. the top of the Mountain has a giant viewing platform with a water fountain and some benches. After filling our water bottles we climbed the stairs up to the wooden deck and we felt like we hiked away from everything and everyone intelligent. It felt like we were the only people on the planet as we looked one way into the valleys and woods of the Santa Cruz Mountains and the other way to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk and Monterey Bay. I can honestly say that the both of us felt on top of the world. We loaded up the glass with the Cruz's finest and we talked encouraged each other. Each telling the other he could take over the world, as we enjoyed each others company and breathed the thin mountain air we peered over the tress and out to the beautiful Pacific Ocean. "How lucky we are!!" I exclaimed.
Right now was perfect.

I learned a lot on that day about myself. While I may not handle every situation well, even though there are steep hills and rocky cliffs, I continue to strive towards my goals in life and have really learned to make the most of every moment. While I may not have too many experiences and adventures with everyone in my family, I learned to be grateful for my brother and our closeness and I am impressed with the man that Tim has become, he is an honorable man, a man who works hard and does not let anyone get in the way of his dreams, I like to think that I taught him that, but I didn't. We have learned these things together, in our own ways and I am proud to be a Tilly. No matter what life has thrown our way, we have always managed to overcome and have really taught each other a lot about living in the moment and not becoming victims of the past.

That spring walk with my brother is one of my single favorite memories of my life. How lucky am I to be having these wonderful memories right now! The best ones of my life!

Later my brother and I got into a fight, we went our separate ways and the little mountain cottage is now gone. Tim is chasing after his dreams in Florida and I am preparing to embark on another journey to Hawaii. As our paths continue with distance between us, I don't think we have ever been closer as we remain headstrong with the same basic goals in completely different environments. I respect that Tim's path is not mine and I encourage him to be everything that he wants to be, everything that he is. While we may have big fights, we both realise that there is a lot more good in our relationship than bad and we continue to cultivate that which is family. While we may not have much of a family in the traditional sense, I am still blessed to have the best family in the world around me during the BEST moments. The ones that last forever!!

~1 love

tilly

What Else is New

Well it looks like summer is finally here! I have been having so much fun, however it has seemed like time has gone slower recently, in an odd way. In a way it feels like the summer is never going to come. After a somewhat turmultuous beginning of 2009, I have finally levelled off a bit and have placed my self in the position that makes me happiest in life. Right now I am able to enjoy great freinds and the making of great music. Sometime next week I am going to be going camping in Yosemite. I was even able to spend time with my brother hiking the mountains and tearing it up in the Giant Redwood Forrests.

I consider myself a very lucky man.

Now the summer is almost here and with that I grow one year older. I aim to enjoy the summer music festivals and enjoy the Northern Cali sunshine this summer. I plan on just going with the flow, no matter where that takes me!

Sometime around the middle of summer, after a trip with some buddies to Florida I am going to purchase a one way plane ticket to Hawaii. I am gonna drop myself on Kuaii with a few blank books and a laptop and I am going to write. I mean, I am going to write my heart out. I plan on writing about everything that I do and have done and I am really excited to cut myself off from civilization a bit a cultivate this skill that I have aquired.

Maybe I can make something of it.

Anyhow, I am still planning on writing the article for my friend Patience this summer and I just know it is going to be an EPIC thing.

I will be writing a bit more, after YOSEMITE comes VEGAS BABY!!