Lotsa News

I only have 20 minutes before this place closes so look for a lot of errors in this one.

Today was a great day for me personally. I received a phone call from the TV show "Deal or No Deal" and I have an appointment next Thursday to audition with them. This is not an open casting call it is the REAL DEAL so I am kind of pumped. I love that show!

I also am 80% sure I landed my first job in L.A. and I am totally stoked. It is on Melrose in Hollywood at a great, great, great sports bar that might just end up being the best bar/resturant gig I have ever had. The guy who interviewed me is from Boston and we really, really clicked. I am totally excited to be working in Tinseltown and I am gonna have the opportunity to have lot's and lot's of fun. This place has 50 TV'S, Beerpong, DJ,s, a Full Menu, is open late and I am really looking forward to it. All I have let to deal with is the owner.

Also,

I had some really bad news this week. A boy who I still see as a little boy (I've known him most of his life) in Sarasota is being charged with second degree murder for his involvement in a fight on Lalani Blvd in my old stomping grounds. I am very close to Mikey and his family and I have to attest that he is a very sweet boy. While I feel very badly for the family of the victim, I am displeased with the reaction I have been seeing from the community. This is a really good kid who got into a fight in an enviroment where everyone was drinking. I personally have been in that same position a hundred times and so have most of the people I know from that town.

There is no total knoweledge of the facts, but who knows the reason. I have been getting into touch with some of his close friends and relatives and I intend on reporting on this like I was paid to do it. I am going to get the scoop from the inside. It means a lot to me.

I am also reading a book called "Live from Death Row" by Mumia Abu-Janal, an innocent man who spent years on death row. I am becoming more and more discusted at the judicial system and how it treats people, along with the prison system.

I am very scared for Mikey to be wrapped up in a system as scary as Florida. One that is intolerant, unrehabilative and treats the building of prisons and jails as a business. This is a state that has NO PROBLEM putting children behind bars for life and also executing them.

I am out of time today, but look for a long blog tomorrow about the system, whats wrong with it and why I hate the it!


Please Pray for Mikey, Simon and the fanmily of the boy who died.

~1 love

tilly

Ready to Die

For years in my life it seemed that I wanted to die. Well, it didn't seem that way, it was how I lived. I lived recklessly and in a way that I thought was fearlessly. I wished that I could inflict pain on any and everyone on the planet and that is precisely what I had set out to do.

Nowadays I am more confident and I realize that during those years I wasn't living fearlessly, actually I was living in fear and was extremely unhappy with myself and that was the root of all of my troubles.

Today I am happy.

No longer do I need to have people around to lean on and no longer do I rely on anyone to bail me out of any situation.

I am no longer bitter at the people closest to me when they do not call me or do not reach their hands out to me. I accept them for who they are and realize that they just may not be as close to me as I had thought that they were.

That is ok with me.

These days I enjoy my time to myself. I no longer care what people think of me and I have no desire to please anyone else. I noticed that in the past I had been spending way to much time trying to live the life that I thought others expected me to and it made me unhappy, thus making them unhappy. Today I live the life that I choose and I truly am happy.

Every day when I wake up I thank God for allowing me to grow through all of the pains and all of the experiences that I have. I really, really have been able to become a well rounded person because of this. I just wish the people who matter most could truly see it.

I am extremely pleased these days. No matter what happens in my life I am left knowing that I am and will be EXACTLY what it is that I declare that I will be and this allows me to go on with confidence. I am afraid of nothing that is around the corner. I am noticing that the only way that life will defeat me is if I allow it to and if I allow myself to try and live a lifestyle other than that which I have prepared for myself. There is no reason to live for anyone else there is only reason to live and living is what I am doing.

Day in and day out I read my blog and I check my blog tracker to see who it is that is reading my blog and I am sometimes thrilled and I sometimes am dissapointed at the traffic that comes through, but I continue to write and I continue to share. Slow and steady wins the race. Who would have ever expected me to make that STATEMENT!!

It's true.

God is real and however it is that you find God I recommend it. Trust and Faith in God has caused amaizing things to happen in my life lately and it has been confirmed to me that if I believe inrternal I WILL acheive my dreams and you can also acheive your own, no matter how great that they may be. Enjoy life and each moment. Don't try and force things. Just let what happens happen. If there are people sucking out all of your energy, cut them off!!

All in all, I know that if I were to die today, it would be ok. I am not filled with fear with what may happen if I die. it is a part of life and I am sure that it will all end ok. I am no longer trying to die and because of that I am fully prepared to!


Love each other,

~tilly