If you didn’t already know, “The Valley” is where most of
the pornography in the United States is filmed. I was the laughing stock of my little crew
when I told them I had to hurry and catch a bus to work on a “Bingo” show, no
one believed me. I packed my pack and
headed over to the gym to grab a shower then headed to the Public Library in
Hollywood to map out how I would get there.
Once I had plotted my course, I began what would be a 2 hour trek over
to the TV studio to film the show. I got
off the bus in front of a car dealership in a weird area and searched for my
location, as sweat beaded on my face I realized that “The Valley” was much
hotter than the beach, like a 20 degree difference.
Finally I found the location of the studio, there was a
Diner nearby so I grabbed a quick bite and then walked over to get into the
already forming line of characters for the show. I was surprised when I recognized a few
people from the last show and a couple from the beach, one dude in particular
was looking over at me and grinning. I
walked up and introduced myself as “Tilly” as I always did and he told me his
name was Bill. Bill was a clean cut
looking guy around 30ish and he was with a girl name Jen. We chatted for a while and I learned that
Bill was also crashing on the beach, he claimed to have quit his job and
dropped everything to put all of his money in foreign currency, he was convinced that God came to him in a vision
and the American Dollar was going to crash and riches were coming his way.
As the line grew longer the crew began selecting us and
pairing us into groups outside of the studio, suddenly a red Maserati pulled up
and out jumped Richard Karn. A young
African American guy called me and the Jen over and asked us to put on T-Shirts
which had numbers on them, mine was G52.
We were ushered to our seats and the lights went on and a girl came out
and explained to us the premise of the show.
The idea was, 2 contestants competed and were asked questions, they drew
a “Bingo” number and if they got it right they would gain that spot. I was “G52”.
Nervousness crept in and I felt a bit stupid when I realized that I
would be standing up, A BINGO NUMBER, on Television. We were told that we must celebrate for the
camera with funny fake moves like slam dunks, or reeling a fish, when the
answer was correct. If the player got
Bingo, we would get an extra fifty bucks.
All of a sudden I was shitting myself. When the day began I thought I was going to
have an easy day watching a game show get filmed and making an easy hundred
bucks, now I realized that I was going to act like an ass for eight episodes on
a film. Jen, my “tv date” was also
nervous as hell, she also didn’t know what was going on she handed me a Valuim
and said “Fuck it, embrace it” and that’s what we did.
The lights went out and then came back and the stage was
set, suddenly Fook Mi, (Diane Mizota) from Austin Powers was next to us in the
crowd of Bingo Numbers cracking jokes, the situation was so weird I just
started laughing and maybe even peed a little.
The excitement grew as between questions Richard cracked dirty jokes and
cursed, obviously stoned out of his gourd. No sooner did I stop laughing when
G52 was called I stood up and waited as the question was asked, the lady got
her answer correct and now I had to respond with my goofy action, like The
Sultan of Swat I pointed to the stands and gave my best home run swing!
The day went on and I was called on a few more times. My new friend and I laughed our way all the
way to the bank when we made a combined $425 for our day filming the show. We chuckled as we left the show and got into
a car with a new friend and headed to Hollywood for drinks and stories and more
debauchery. Fuck it, it was only GSN.
Thanks AGAIN for coming back. If you watch re-runs of Bingo America on GSN there is a good chance
that you will spot me acting like a fool! The whole thing
felt kind of like "Fear and Loathing" but it was really fun!
Please come back and read and "like" my page on face book. Tilly's
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