Still Searching

My, my, as soon as I get confident and begin to think I have everything all together, I get the legs chopped out from under me and I realize that I have a multitude of lessons to learn in life and I am NO WHERE NEAR the brink of this cliff that I like to think is my leap into enlightenment, my own personal Nirvana.

I have begun to realize of late how difficult this PRESENT living thing can be on so many different levels. You see, recently I have come to realize that with my meditation and all of the adjustments that I have made to my character and how I deal with life as a whole, I thought that I was always living in the PRESENT MOMENT, in the NOW.

My, My, how complicated yet simple living in the moment is. Today I was made aware through my own personal studies, meditations and day to day activities that EVERY single thing that I am searching for in life, albeit a girl, money, the perfect job a shiny new car whatever it is is a distraction that is pulling me out of the PRESENT. Today I came to realize that as long as I am searching for something I am not going to ever attain it or if I do acquire the thing that I am searching for, I will quickly become dissatisfied with it and quickly shift my desire to something BIGGER or BETTER totally unfulfilled.

Today I realized that I am not CLAIMING my prize when I search for it I am forever banishing my desires to a future that is forever unattainable and choking out the blessings that life freely wants to give me and does all of the time. In my lesson today I learned to walk a little slower and with my head high, never looking out or around for things that give me satisfaction. It was so fulfilling to begin to notice all the things alive around me more and begin worrying less about these things in life that I feel I need in order to survive....LUST, ENVY etc.

I have appreciated my MOMENT today realizing that everything alive is a shared entity with us and becoming aware of things like every breath I make feeds a flower and vice versa. I began today to focus less on my problems and feel more in tune with all that is around me and today people have been smiling at me more.

I also noticed and became disgustingly aware of how difficult it really has become for me to always walk with my head high in the clouds and not searching around for tangible things that will only give me simulated pleasure.

Today I became a little smaller and I have decided not to search any longer. Every truly beautiful thing I have ever attained came from within with no search at all.

OnE LoVe

Tilly

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( I am lucky to play a small part in their new creations)