I Live In a Glass House

Recently I have reached a point in my life where I have become ever confident as a man in who I am and what a believe in. It seems that the harder I try at becoming a better person, the easier and more effortless it has become. However, the more and more growth I attain, the more and more frequent the attacks on my character and my honesty have become in certain areas of my life.

What I have been doing in the last few months or so is that I have been attacking the negative aspects in my life with good deeds. In the past when I had encountered difficulties I used to attempt to deliver the same pain which I was feeling inside of me to the people and all of life around me. I have completely changed. My life has become a glass house and in striving to be more real, I have shared my difficulties with the world and what you see has become EXACTLY what you get with me. A big change on who I once was.

It is a wonderfully freeing feeling to have a clean conscience and even when in difficult times to be able to know PROUDLY who I am and to confidently continue forward rather than allow people to take me down. I used to feel the need when falsely attacked to prove myself, now I just move on and I continue giving the best TILLY that I can to the people around me, but it is hard.

Right now I am in the process of losing a person or two who at one time I respected and cared about deeply. I won't get into the reasons, but the health of these certain individuals is VERY much a concern on my mind. It makes no sense to me when someone who otherwise is usually a very rational person begins concocting or agreeing with stories ab out me that while at one point in my life may have been feasible are so far from the truth. You wouldn't believe the horrible things that I am being accused of right now and I am being accused of them in a time when I am constantly trying to share and give back to people who have given to me, a time when I am so very far from anything that is dark and negative as it is being portrayed. It has even gotten in between me and family members....briefly, only briefly.\

The funny things about these accusations is that NO ON BELIEVES THEM. The majority of the people who I surround myself with are very caring sharing people who I culture relationships with, spend time with, people with whom I am growing. In all effect these harsh situations I have been encountering hurt not me, my family or the people close to me, they are only hurting the people who are delivering them, not merely because they are losing a great friend who has been so eager to show them love, but because it appears that they are so irrational that I fear that they may be hurt on a more serious note than is readily visible on the outside. It hurts me to see people like this and while in the past I would aggressively prove to vindicate myself and heal the relationship, now I must let go.

Nothing material that has every been done for me in the past is enough for me to stay loyal to people who are trying to tear me down (for what reason I do not know) I am not attached to material things and I am disgusted by people who are ruled by STUFF and gather their identity from it. I cannot stand to be around this any longer...it has not given and never will give the unhappy happiness. I on the other hand find my life fulfilling and happy.

I am in a situation right now where people are trying to keep my things, where people are also trying to keep my brothers important things and are accusing me of debt that I never had and of flat out dishonesty. Had I been in a bad place when this transpired I may have even attempted to harm myself I have been so hurt by this. These are people who I thought cared about me, people who I was so eager to please.

Instead, I have decided to write it all off. A few blogs ago I threw everything I owned into the sea and was blessed far beyond what I had after I was able to detach myself from those things. I am not only throwing in just stuff again, but also people. My life is an open book. Aside from some of my stupid vices that are personal and harm only myself, I have been very open with my life with blogs and downright chatter with friends. Countless people have encouraged me of late on my character and I am blessed to have encouragement from people all over when I need that. I also try to give that in return.

I have decided that regardless of how much people try and bring me down, they can try and take everything, they cannot destroy what is internal and what I have built inside of myself and with others.

In this blog my intentions were not to single anyone out, or bring anyone down. This is not an attack or a "poor me" blog. If I wanted to be vengeful, I could've effectively been very harsh and even involved the LAW, but I choose not to. I have always been vengeful in the past and it has given me no good. With my growth I have chosen not to give life back the shit that is coming my way. I know that if I stay strong in my beliefs and I continue to strive to be a good man, I will be blessed.

But I worry about my friend, or EX FRIEND. Something is causing these negative and paranoid delusions that is very dark, scary and evil. It is something that is physically attacking one who I care about...however, it is something that I have naturally built up resistance to and I am in no place to stand and let my character be falsely attacked. Rather than fuel the fire, or try and fix my friend, I am stepping back and then sitting down in my glass house. When you need a friend, I will try and be kind, but I will no longer feel indebted to someone who would accuse me of the disgusting things that I and my brother have been accused of.

It's not my style. I don't harm people I care about and I NEVER (if i can help it) do things with bad intentions....not even to people I don't know. I would NEVER, EVER do something to hurt a friend. I wonder what it could possibly be that is effecting my friend so much and causing them to turn on someone who has desired to help them in any way?

I used to look up to this friend, I used to desire to please. I still care, but it has become a joke in some circles that someone would even accuse me of things that are not only cruel, but against my nature all together. The people in my immediate circle not only help me grow and become better, but also respect me for helping them in the same way.


No one reading this blog will know what I am talking about here, except my brother and the parties involved. I have chosen to write this blog not for anyone but myself. I need to get these things out in a healthy way. It works for me and keeps me (or gets me back on) the path that I am proud to be on.

I am thankful for great friends and the things that are done in friendship, but in the end I am all alone inside and I am VERY confident in who I have become.

For those friends who are killing themselves slowly with drugs, for those who are falsely accusing myself and my family of horrible things....it's ok, I can handle it. I am confident in who I am and there is nothing that you can do that will make me second guess myself. I am very AWARE of who I am, what I do and what I do around me. I have tried to assist you too much in your self destruction by allowing myself to feed into this crap and YES I did party with you, but I am NOT one of you. I was wrong in sidestepping my values and I also do not take part in this type of behavior..it seems that these friends are the only people that I have PARTIED hard with and I also don't choose to entertain that type of behavior. I made a mistake in the name of fun, but one that harmed no one and one that I have decided is BENEATH ME to do again.

I should never have even allowed these negative persons in my life as there are only 1 or 2 people in my world who I have these kinds of issues with. People who think they are better than everyone else are not my style these days....people who lie, are not what I choose to be around and people who hurt each other when upset on a severe level are not on my level.

Water seeks its own level and you know who you are...you are the only people in my life down on that level. The only people who have self destrucive habits and unfairly judge and the only ones who make up these crackesh stories. The people who you draw to you are always negative and low life's and I am down right bothered to be seen around people of these types. With that, I sit behind my glass walls and delete you.

You are bringing me down.

Peace!!

I love all of my readers!! This is a rough time that I have been unable to find a way to share without tarnishing anyone reputation. I refuse to do to people what they have been doing to me. Karma is not mine to deliver. Any encouragement that I can get would be great as I am choosing to discard a few people from my life who I care about, but who are either sick or just plain evil.

Either way my life is one of joy, sharing and kindness and there is a good circle of that around me now that I have withdrawn from the environment I was in.

God bless....

and if the people who this blog pertains to read this. I won't be responding to you anymore...you cannot bring me down. EVER. I really, hope that you can realize before it is too late that some people REALLY ARE KIND BECAUSE THEY CARE and are NICE and have no other motives. I am sorry that life's experiences are causing you to discard people who love you. It's gotta be lonely down there.