I Am Learning So Much!!!

Lately I am learning so much about myself. Ever since I started really forcing myself to stay aware of the thinks that I think and to seperate who "I' am from my body and mind I have been able to really notice who I have become as a person and a man. I can actually look back at some of the craziness of my youth and not be defined by it yet it is still part of who I am. With that I am going to donate some time as soon as possible here in town and try and use my experience to try and help steer someone else away from the path of no hope. It's something I WANT to doall of a sudden VERY badly, even if it is just as an UMPIRE in LITTLE LEAGUE. I want to start right now.

Lately I have been faced with some challenges in relationships across the spectrum in my life. It almost is as if as soon as I was ready for it, life hit me from EVERY ANGLE that was prone to being screwed up by YOU KNOW WHO all at once. I was faced with confrontations and feelings of betrayal, several times and it seems that all the things that used to set me off and cause me to run my mouth or be dumb or to get angry and bitter were all tossed at me all at once! I was forced to make many choices and am proud to say that with age, I am VERY PROUD of the choices that I have made in my dealings with the people who matter most to me. All of them. REALLY.

Rather than be angry and vengeful and unhappy and bitter, I was able to regain my center very quickly in each situation. I was able to see clearly the effect that my behavior was having on the people close to me in the past and was able to see EXACTLY what I needed to do to avoid losing all that I love.

I forgave, encouraged, listened and helped out in every instance in any way that I could and I REFUSED to allow negativity into my decisions and my own life. I remained SEPERATE from all that was unhealthy by staying in the moment, finding the good and paying attention when each problem arose to how I had handled it in the past.

Then in each instance I did the opposite than I had in the past.

When angered over these petty PEOPLE things with our closest loved ones 80% is petty and all thoughts and unnatural learned emotion. People get hooked on bringing people down. I have decided to be the opposite of that. With each different test life gave me I responded with as much good as I could. I shared, I worked, I cared, I encouraged and yes....I am human, I did push my agenda a little bit, but I learned something about making my own life better. I learned that if I am PRESENT and IN THE MOMENT and I look for ways to do good in bad situations some of the coolest stuff happens. My relationships are honest and healthy and my world is tremendously brighter. I am also able to have just wonderful options that seem to be appearing with this new me that I have become.

Life really gives me all that I give it. Life will condition you and groom you do become better and better if you permit it to, thats the beauty of being alive and part of this ecosystem we are all one with. If you look at things from the proper perspective, life is testing you and passing or failing you the whole time, as we progress and pass we get new lessons and new tests. As we learn and grow we progress faster and more naturally, things being more fluid and I CAN PROMISE YOU life gets more colorful in every which way....its evolution.

i am far from finished and that is the cool part. I get to continue to play this game and be conditioned to be the best person that I can be. I may not get anywhere near first place in that category, but when it comes to life I intend to win the award for "Most Passionate Kiss"


Don't judge others....better yourself and encourage the people who you love most!!


(no edit or proofread on this....straight to publish right of my fingertips, freestyle, no spell check.....this shit came from DEEP inside ME)


one love
tilly