For years in my life it seemed that I wanted to die. Well, it didn't seem that way, it was how I lived. I lived recklessly and in a way that I thought was fearlessly. I wished that I could inflict pain on any and everyone on the planet and that is precisely what I had set out to do.
Nowadays I am more confident and I realize that during those years I wasn't living fearlessly, actually I was living in fear and was extremely unhappy with myself and that was the root of all of my troubles.
Today I am happy.
No longer do I need to have people around to lean on and no longer do I rely on anyone to bail me out of any situation.
I am no longer bitter at the people closest to me when they do not call me or do not reach their hands out to me. I accept them for who they are and realize that they just may not be as close to me as I had thought that they were.
That is ok with me.
These days I enjoy my time to myself. I no longer care what people think of me and I have no desire to please anyone else. I noticed that in the past I had been spending way to much time trying to live the life that I thought others expected me to and it made me unhappy, thus making them unhappy. Today I live the life that I choose and I truly am happy.
Every day when I wake up I thank God for allowing me to grow through all of the pains and all of the experiences that I have. I really, really have been able to become a well rounded person because of this. I just wish the people who matter most could truly see it.
I am extremely pleased these days. No matter what happens in my life I am left knowing that I am and will be EXACTLY what it is that I declare that I will be and this allows me to go on with confidence. I am afraid of nothing that is around the corner. I am noticing that the only way that life will defeat me is if I allow it to and if I allow myself to try and live a lifestyle other than that which I have prepared for myself. There is no reason to live for anyone else there is only reason to live and living is what I am doing.
Day in and day out I read my blog and I check my blog tracker to see who it is that is reading my blog and I am sometimes thrilled and I sometimes am dissapointed at the traffic that comes through, but I continue to write and I continue to share. Slow and steady wins the race. Who would have ever expected me to make that STATEMENT!!
It's true.
God is real and however it is that you find God I recommend it. Trust and Faith in God has caused amaizing things to happen in my life lately and it has been confirmed to me that if I believe inrternal I WILL acheive my dreams and you can also acheive your own, no matter how great that they may be. Enjoy life and each moment. Don't try and force things. Just let what happens happen. If there are people sucking out all of your energy, cut them off!!
All in all, I know that if I were to die today, it would be ok. I am not filled with fear with what may happen if I die. it is a part of life and I am sure that it will all end ok. I am no longer trying to die and because of that I am fully prepared to!
Love each other,
~tilly
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