Gonna Have to Man Up

I almost quit writing this blog. Recently I have started journaling a lot more and I guess the things that I have been going through in life have been a little bit more private. I have been stressed out, frankly. The economy is finally picking up but I have just not been able to find work and it is bringing me down a bit. Part of me thinks that maybe I shouldn't even be working at all right now, but that doesn't make sense, does it?

I have had an unbelievable time lately with friends in Santa Cruz. I have my beach and luckily an amzingly large circle of friends for someone who is not a local and my free time has been wonderful, I have been free. However, I am a worker bee, I like to work and all of my life have been able to pride myself as a hard worker and I just can't seem to get what I want in that are right now. I think I am going to move on. It is my theory that I have some unfinished business back home which is sorta proving to be a mental block for me of sorts and I think that I am going to be unable to move on if I don't man up and go home and handle it. I am starting to fall into some bad patterns in this stagnant place that I am in now, so WHY NOT?

It looks like some time towards the end of this month I am going to be heading out of Santa Cruz for a while. It looks like I am not going to fly this time, but I am going to take a road trip (I LOVE ROAD TRIPS) and I am going to spend some time camping and having fun in nature (possibly all by myself). At the end of this journey I will have arrived back home where I will be so happy to visit familiar faces and places and I will take care of this little thing that I have been putting off for a buncha years. I guess sometimes you just have to do things that you don't really want to do, so I aim to enjoy myself all the way up until that point. I miss all of my friends anyhow and there are a couple of you out there that I am SOOOO VERY EXCITED TO SEE and a couple that I would rather not, but that's life. I am almost completely broke at this point people and while I still hustle a bit, it is going to be nearly impossible for me to raise up all of the money I am probably going to need so, wish me luck and hey, if ya got it, hook a brother up! Think of me as charity, a poor lost little whiteboy trying to get home for 4th of July!!

I love ya all

~tilly