What Works For Me

Ok, I said I was not going to be writing on this blog anymore, but the more I have abstained, the more I realize that I need to blog....its therapeutic. I could care less who reads it and I have no real agenda here...it just helps me.

Which brings me to yesterday. Yesterday I got really drunk, which in itself is not all that bad, but I did it for the wrong reasons. Personal and family problems have been a little rough (I will spare you the details) and I had reached my boiling point. I flipped out on some people from whom I had been withholding my opinions and I was probably hurtful, but that's what I did. Recently, I have become sort of unsympathetic to other people's problems. I spent years and years being unhappy and on my last adventure, I feel that I found the true meaning of happiness and I get extremely frustrated when other people don't get it. I also get pissed off when people are close to me and maintain an unhappy attitude, for whatever reason, its contagious and I am not down with that.

Anyhow, I have several friends right now who are not happy and there are even MORE people all around the world who carry this same burden with them. Just yesterday a man from town blew his brains out in his back yard, he was a doctor, Life seems hard.

With the economy taking a dive, foreclosures and joblessness at the highest it has been in my lifetime, I understand. But I also know the secret, and it wasn't easy for me to find out.

Before I could figure out the secret to true happiness, I had to go on the craziest adventure ever. I had to hop trains and hitchhike, I had to be hungry and feed the hungry, I had to share and give and mainly, I had to TRUST GOD. Now, the word GOD scares a lot of people, but however you look at it, there is a reason we are here and we are all part of the same body, science proves it everything proves that we are all made up of the same stuff. That my friends, is GOD. God is not some magic man in the sky who shoots lightening bolts at you for punishment. He is not someone who gives you gifts if you praise him and ignores you if you don't. God is simply this EVERYTHING THAT IS. Once I realized this, I became thankful, once I became thankful, I became HAPPY. Once I became HAPPY I began to share and that changed my life.

Recently I strayed from what had made me HAPPY. I became comfortable with the blessings in my life and I also became pissed off at some of the painful things that were going on in the world around me. I found myself becoming ungrateful and in some ways, disconnected with the ONE thing that had given me so much joy. I can't say I was feeling sorry for myself, I just began seeing things through the wrong lens and while doing so, I was also ineffectively trying to teach the amazing things that I have learned. I briefly gave up on everything and in a way disposed of what I had attained, all while trying to pass the torch to some people who are close to me. It didn't work. Regretfully, I had to push people away in order to have this epiphany which really is all to familiar.

I did so much to get to this place and I am now realizing that the best thing that I can do is be an example to the people who I feel I can help (which sometimes feels like EVERYONE)

Now I am not super enlightened, I have WAY to many faults, but I have found the secret to TRUE happiness. That secret may be different in some ways for you, but in the center of it all is LOVE, KINDNESS, and FORGIVENESS, all things which represent GOD in EVERY religion. I guess sometimes people pay too much attention to rules and order and less to what GOD is.

I promise everyone, but mostly, MYSELF that I will do everything that I can in life to share the joy that I have received, but I can't give my joy to anyone. I just can't...it doesn't work that way. I can share this:

With what seems like the world going to hell in a hand basket, with all the war and loss and failures of the people who make the world turn. Try this....Sit all by yourself and be silent. Look at what you have THIS MOMENT, whether its a backpack full of clothes and a dog or a mansion on a hill...LOOK, see your family, see your friends....or FRIEND and be grateful. You can find bad things in everything on earth, but you can also find GOOD in everything, because GOD is in everything and GOD is GOOD.

~one love

~tilly